Tim Minchin - If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Out (Take My Wife)

Wow that's a long long time between posts.

Well, I figure I should start this one slow and easy. With topics that are in my comfort zone like books.

I'm currently reading Genome: The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters by Matt Ridley. And Shantaram: A Novel by Gregory David Roberts. I'm on chapter one of both books so I'm not sure I can comment with any authority. Genome is written in Matt Ridley's usual easy to understand and yet gripping style (See The Red Queen.) Shantaram is an interesting beast. The descriptions of Mumbai are familiar and nostalgic (especially when he reaches Colaba. I lived there for quite a while,) but his prose is slightly flowery so the book might start to feel heavy in my hands soon. (It is a heavy book. 994 pages!) Interesting both books also have subtitles. I've never quite understood subtitling. Must be a publisher driven trend.

In vacation news, I've been traveling all over the place. Let's write about the involuntary vacations first. A trip to Menominee that involved some driving, some bad driver/dongle issues and an almost-bought pasty from Schloegels. This was followed by two consecutive trips to Philadelphia. Both involved 12 hour work days and mysterious driver problems. (Stupid multicore processors and stupider driver developers who can't handle multi-threaded programming.)

The voluntary vacations were many but all restricted to Wisconsin. There was a trip to Wisconsin Dells and Lake Delton. This involved time spent at the Mt. Olympus water park, a drive-in theater, sushi and four missed exits on the way back home! (Four!) And a week or so later, Lake Delton disappeared. No kidding!

This was followed by a camping trip to Kohler-Andrae State Park. The water at Lake Michigan is freezing! But the dunes cord-walk was awesome and so were some of the pictures I was able to take of a red-winged blackbird.

After that was a nice long trip to Door County. This probably needs a post by itself. It was very eventful and involved trips to Potawatomi State Park, Peninsula State Park, Washington Island (where the wheat for Capital Island Wheat is grown!) Cana Island Light and Whitefish Dunes State Park. (The water at Whitefish Dunes wasn't that cold!) Lot's of pictures of gulls and terns.

Finally, there was some impromptu camping this weekend too at Governer Dodge State Park. We were pretty underprepared for this one as we weren't expecting to actually get a spot. So underprepared that we didn't even carry a flashlight! Of course, smart as we were we ended up purchasing a hand-crank lantern from Walgreens instead. It was ridiculous the amount of cranking we had to do for a small amount of light. Overall, apart from a spider-bite sustained by Red K it was fun. (At least we think it was a spider-bite. If she starts sticking to walls we will know for sure.) We also stopped by at the House on the Rock and the Frank Lloyd Wright visitor center but didn't take the tours (of the House and Taliesin) as they were prohibitively expensive. (Thanks to Red K for being my fellow traveler and navigator.)

So there was this guy see. And once upon a time he used to read a lot of comic books and watch a lot of movies and read non-fiction and then he would write about it all, so his legion of readers could live vicariously through him. Then he started reading fewer comic books and watching fewer movies and reading fewer books and more importantly writing fewer times.

Where did the time go? Some of it was spent working longer hours and weekends, some of it was spent going out to bars and meeting new people and talking to them and arguing with them. And unlike comic books and movies and books, people were a lot harder to write about. So his blog started being updated a longer and longer intervals. Some readers called him out on this. Others, their lives equally busy and their blog updates equally delayed, understood. And yet the thought of stopping his blog never occurred to him. I think it was because he was never concerned about his readership numbers (although he did check his stats counter often enough) and he wrote his blog as a record for his future self. Anyway, our story pauses there because I have to tell you about what I did.

Yesterday, with RedK and her sister B, I went to Milwaukee, specifically the Milwaukee Public Museum to watch Body Worlds. (Don't click on that link if you are easily disturbed.) Body Worlds is a traveling exhibition of preserved human cadavers in various poses, displaying various aspects of the human body. The bodies are preserved using a process called plastination. All the exhibits had the skin removed so that musculature, bones and internal organs are visible. To display the circulatory system, red dyed plastic was forced through the veins and arteries and the body then dissolved. This was definitely an excellent way to spend 25 dollars and an afternoon. We spent the rest of the evening driving around Milwaukee (pretty but boring) and watching After Innocence (depressing) and Hot Fuzz (hilarious and surprising.)

Tonight, it's time for Samba and all you can eat meat for $33.

What has happened since Feb 1.
Birthday. Flu. Emotional hijinks. Travel. More travel. Some more travel. Car wash. DJ Rekha. Spring. Rain.

Sentences. The next post, which won't take two whole months to produce, will consist of sentences and paragraphs.

The Driving Rant Post

I make no apologies about admitting to the fact that I don't like driving. I grew up in Mumbai with it's excellent public transport system. If I'm traveling somewhere I would much rather be doing something much more interesting with my time like talking to friends, reading a book, observing the city or just plain day-dreaming. Driving is a drudge. You have to keep your eyes on the road, and hands upon the wheel. (Apologies to Jim Morrison.) Still, seeing as how public transport in Madison is so crappy, and how I have to occasionally drive to places that you can't reach using a bus or a taxi without paying out of your nose, I drive.

My car is the most expensive thing I own. Obviously it makes me want to protect it. Keep that resale value high and all that. And there is also the little thing of me happening to enjoy the fact that I am alive and not dead. So obviously all the other idiots on the road piss me off. And this winter, with its constant shit... sorry ice-storms and record snowfall, things which would normally just irritate me a little, have turned into things that make me vewy vewy angry. Here's a list of the idiots who irritate me and their internal monologues:

1. Mr. I am going to drive below the speed limit in the passing lane
I'm driving. And this is the lane I have decided to use. The passing lane. It's a free country and I have paid taxes all my life and I have now decided to drive in the passing lane. Yes, I know I'm going slower than the speed limit but I'm an American and I can do what I want. You can use the slow lane and pass me from the right but then I will glare at you and cough violently. And keep driving slowly in this lane. My lane.

2. Mr. I am going to drive about 6 inches behind your car
Right. So I'm in a hurry. A real serious hurry. And so I have decided to drive as close to your car as I possibly can. Because no matter what speed you are driving at being close to your car makes me reach where I want to go earlier. Like a whole 20 milliseconds earlier. And time is money. Of course, I know it's snowing and the roads are icy and slick, and if you have to brake suddenly then I will rear-end you. But those are the risks we have to take for my 20 milliseconds.

3. Mr. I have suddenly decided to take a left turn
Hey look! It's a traffic light. Here I am in the left lane. Waiting at the light. Obviously, as you can see I intend to go straight, because if I didn't I would have turned on the left turn indicator so you could have moved to the right lane. But I'm going to go straight. I have decided to go straight. Look, the light turned green! Oh my God!!! A left turn. Look, I can turn left instead of going straight!!! Holy crap! This so exciting! I'm going to turn left now. Watch me turn on the left turn indicator. And crawl up and wait for the oncoming cars to finish going straight. Then I can make my glorious left turn! What's that you say? You are stuck behind me because you thought I was going to go straight? Aw, don't be a wuss. I'm making a left turn. Be excited for me. (And sometimes in my excitement I even forget to turn on the indicator. Who cares. I'm turning left.)

4. Mr. I am going to slowly turn right without moving to the right lane
I have to turn right here. Clearly, if I move to the edge of the right lane you'll be able to keep going straight from the left and we can't have that. It's my job to inconvenience you as much as possible. Making you miss the light will be a bonus. So from where I am in this lane, I am going to slow down, and very very slowly turn right. Look, I almost crawling. Do you think I can possibly go any slower? Let's try! Oh why are you waving your fist at me? I'm just doing my job.

5. Mr. I am going to build up the suspense about whether or not I'm going to turn right
There you are waiting at the intersection trying to get out. I'm close enough to the intersection that you have to wait for me to make a sign before you can make a move. But I'm driving slow enough to torture you. And yes I'm driving in an ambiguous lane so you can't tell if I'm going to turn right into the intersection or not. Look I'm turning right. You could have gone anytime! Fooled you! Haha!!

Hindi People from Goodness Gracious Me (A parody of Common People by Pulp)



Lyrics:

She came from Kent, her name was Lucy Parker
Her skin was white but she preferred it darker
That's why I, caught her eye
We met at York, she was a first year student
She wore a sari 'cause she thought it prudent, I thought fine
and then in 30 seconds time she said

I want to live like Hindi people
I want to do what ever Hindi people do
I want to sleep with Hindi people
I want to sleep with Hindi people like you
Well what else could I do, I smiled and said 'Do you want a vindaloo?'

I said I'd find a groovy gig and take her
I like The Verve but she said Kula Shaker their music's tops
Just like Cornershop's

She said I wanna live like Hindi people
I wanna eat whatever Hindi people eat
I want to dress like the bindi people
I want to wear mehndi on my feet
but she didn't understand
You just paint it on your haaand!

Comb your hair and be polite
Do your homework every night
Don't smoke fags and don't play pool
Do extremely well at school
Take a medical degree, graduate at thirty-three
Move back in with mom and dad, even though they drive you raving mad...you sure

You wanna live like Hindi people
You wanna see whatever Hindi people see
You wanna live with Hindi people
You wanna watch your films on Zee TV

But you'll never comprehend 'cause for you it's just a trend
Dressing up like the Hindi people
In your favourite georgette salwaar
Dancing round with the Hindi people
Telling me that you want to learn sitar
but you'll never score with me 'cause I was born in Coventry
Coventry oh yeah!

Sad sad sad.

Taking a cue from KitKat's post about privileges, here is my list (Bolded items apply to me):

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18. (For stupid Hindi!)
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

More interestingly, here my mom's list (I'm only guessing and remembering here but I think I should be pretty accurate.)

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home. (Maybe ??)
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent. (Maybe ??)
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

And here is my dad's list (Again guesswork) :

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent. (Maybe ??)
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18. (Maybe ??)
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Of course, I would argue whether certain items in the list would count as privileges. Like "Were read children's books by a parent." Is this question about whether your parents could read or not? And I would argue whether certain items are really indicators of privileges in India, like "Went to a private high school", as far as I know, all high schools in India (we call them junior colleges) are private and relatively cheap. The media portrayal question is moot, I don't think anyone is portrayed negatively except criminals and the corrupt.