Damn, I feel a post coming on. Now to wait patiently on this Sunday night for the words to coalesce into sentences. Hopefully this one will have more structure and form than my usual balderdash.
So, what bothers me tonight. There are some people I cannot call, cannot talk to, whose Orkut profile I don't visit, whose number has been erased. Sometimes acquaintances who don't know any better will talk about them and I'll stumble awkwardly and explain that I don't talk to them and don't talk about them and don't care what they're up to.
"But why? You guys were really close na?"
Yeah we were but things happen and people change. Heck. I've changed. People who I used to talk to everyday I haven't spoken to in years now. Sometimes it's mutual avoidance. Sometimes just forgetfulness. Sometimes you grow up and don't know what you saw in someone that long ago.
I wish I could say that I'm more mature than I used to be. That I've grown up. To be honest I don't feel that much different from the skinny guy who came here five years ago, from the shy guy from ten years ago.
I was talking to a friend yesterday (one of the old ones who I've stayed close to) about regrets. I have a few. Not too many and not to bad, but I do have them. That's life I guess, a bundle of hopes and regrets. (Damn cliché.) I must say that I learned from my mistakes though. Didn't make the same stupid ones again and again. Heck no, I made brand new ones!
It's so damn fleeting isn't it. Life. And yet I suppose we are the lucky ones. We're watching things change around us at a rate our parents didn't. Our children will be even luckier. I envy them already.
A good deal of you are married or about to be. The rest are dancing that intricate ballet that is Finding Someone. I wish you well. It's a fun dance to be sure but sometimes you fall badly on your butt and people stare. It's fun to stare. It's even fun to fall.
Did you dream when you were little? Do you dream now? Hold on to that dream because in a few years it will seem to fade away. It hasn't gone anywhere. It's just hiding around that corner waiting for you to dream it again.